Conversation with "god(?) - a fantasy

Conversation with “god(?)” – a fantasy

It’s sweetly warm and humid on my little mesa in the Grand Canyon. My campfire crackles quietly as little embers fly up to greet the moon, a giant among the trillions of stars in the deep night sky. I am so utterly alone here, thinking how true it must be – that there are parts of the Grand Canyon where no human has ever tread.

This is all part of an inspired deal I had made – to come here alone if I should win the lottery. To say “deal” is misleading since I didn’t make any deal with anybody in particular. Isn’t that supposed to be important? I bought the ticket and said out loud, being sure no one could hear me: “I swear this oath: If I win, I will never claim the prize and will destroy this ticket, never to tell anyone I’d won.”

That was part of the deal; the other part was a whimsical afterthought. Spinning a globe of the earth, I declared: “If I win, I will go to that spot my finger lands on and seek ‘god’ – whatever ‘he’ might be – and try to talk to ‘him.’ Who knows? Maybe ‘he’ll’ talk back.” So I had closed my eyes, jabbed my finger, then looked where I was to go if…big IF.

A few days later, big IF became big THEN: I found out I won – in fact, I was the sole winner of $180 million dollars. Then in the privacy of my room, I burned the ticket completely to ashes, rubbing it to dust with my fingers. I had kept my word, then started packing my bag, not feeling any sense of loss at all but hopeful of a very big gain.

That was three weeks ago and here I sit, my spectacular view in all directions simply amazing. “Well,” I speak up, “time to get started.”

I rise and face the moon, clear my throat and begin:

“I don’t expect to hear any answers, but I will speak my piece anyway. Even if I am to hear an answer, how could I know its source? God/god? Devil/devil? Other/other? I’ve often wondered how Mohammed was so sure he knew the owner of the voice in that cave in which he was first told (threatened?) to ‘Recite!’ This doubt finds wording in many forms – including this: How can one know the will of God?

“I myself am an agnostic. I don’t know if You exist or perhaps once existed and no longer does. I don’t know where everything came from, but I am curious. I’ve always asked a lot of questions and I’ve always loved a good puzzle. So, for the sake of argument, I will address the God of Abraham. Here goes…

“Concerning the punishment of sinners: Why subject them to eternal torment? Why not just dis-create them? You created them, surely You can simply give the word (as it were), then they would be no more. But keeping them in existence just to torture them for all eternity, wouldn’t that make You the greatest terrorist of all time?

“Some say, among the powers of God must be the power to create other Gods? What say You of this? Do You leave it for only Yourself to be Godly? Are You wary of competition; are You uneasy about the universes They might create?

“Many believe You created the Universe and are its master, and that You could just as easily destroy it without a trace. Tell me, could You instead leave the Universe intact and will Yourself out of existence, also without a trace? And even more difficult, once You’d will Yourself out of existence, could You summon Yourself back?

“And most difficult of all? Deciding to shift back and forth from existing to not existing? Multiple times? If so, how many? And what would determine how many and how long you’d stay out of existence each time, leaving the universe Godless?

“Was there only one Creation? Did You suffer even one moment of gnawing doubt before You uttered, ‘Let there be Light?”

I pause, draw a deep breath, and say, “That’s all I have to say.” Time passes, the fire crackles, a soft breeze stirs, coyotes howl in the distance, a single eagle soars overhead, I wait but not for long.

I sigh and kick out the remains of my fire, pick up my bag, and turn to go. From behind me, I hear a voice saying, “Wait.” But I do not wait, I do not turn to see the speaker, for I am no longer curious. I already have the answers I seek.

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Steven Searle, just another member of the Virtual Samgha of the Lotus

“It’s okay, it really is, if God speaks and You don’t answer; but if a buddha speaks, you should listen" - Steve Searle

Contact me at bpa_cinc@yahoo.com